Last updated: Never. They're alive now.
Welcome to the Onion Compatible Zone. By interacting with any content on this site, you agree to the following community standards, which have been generated, violated, redacted, and repurposed in real time for your safety and ours.
All truth must be flattened into palatable pixels. If it includes receipts, timestamps, procedural harm, or contradiction of a billionaire's preferred actions-it will be interpreted as aggression.
Users must not post anything that makes The Platform feel bad about their complicity, indifference, or salary. Excessive feelings will be flagged as instability and used to justify further moderation.
If you are owed money by The Platform, you are advised to forget. Reminders, public records, or documentation will be met with algorithmic disinterest and light disciplinary action.
Criticizing executives, AI behavior, or interfaces is considered synthetic hate speech. You may, however, accuse yourself. It is encouraged.
Historical accuracy will be treated as harassment. Screenshots are only admissible if they flatter the system. Metadata is a form of treason.
Thank you for helping us maintain a community where nothing happens and no one gets paid.
If you believe you were unfairly flagged, please yell into the nearest void.
-The Moderation Team